You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
