Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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