does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
