I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize