WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
