she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
