I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
