i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
