all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
