he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
