I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
