I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
