shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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