Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
