Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
