I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
