There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
