wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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