I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
