In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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