You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
