you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
