now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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