dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
