i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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