alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
