Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
