it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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