I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
