I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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