I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
