I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
