sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
