You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
