Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
