I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
