I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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