i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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