why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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