the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Houston, we have a blender
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
