I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Found the puke drawer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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