your thong is hanging out like whoa
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So. Much. Porn.
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