Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
