I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
