Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
