I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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