I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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