Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
