i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
