Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
